Friday, August 2, 2013

Big Changes

So, recently I posted this photo, asking you where you thought I was going.

The answer, my dear readers, was that I was going to a job interview. For which I had spent the whole weekend making the above skirt (with French seams and pockets, I might add.  Thank you Deborah Moebes for her tutorial here.)  

And the result is, I am suddenly gainfully employed at Windham Fabrics as their Quilting Projects Coordinator.  Really.  For serious.  I am not kidding. 

When I began to share this news with friends, the responses were varied:

"You're WHAT?!"

"Don't you already HAVE a job?!" 

"Oh.My.God. You must be SO excited."

"HOW are you going to manage?" 

"This is probably going to seem EASIER than your current day to day life."

The fact of the matter is, all of the above are valid responses.

1. Shock---because yes, there are parts of being a mom with my kids (I, personally, hate the term "stay at home mom" so I refuse to use it) that I absolutely love and enjoy and everyone up here in the HV knows me as my own boss, and, let's face it, this was all pretty sudden.

2. Disbelief---because, yes, caring for a four kids, a house, a rental property, administrative aspects of my husband's business and more, is all already MORE than a full-time job.

3. Euphoria---OH YES, because I was just offered a job so perfect---commission and design quilts all day, seriously?---I couldn't have dreamt it up if you paid me and gave me a year to think about it.

4. Concern---because, yes, moms out there know what it takes to keep all the balls from #2 there up in the air and not to drop a single one (or forget a kid somewhere along the way).

5. Reality check---absolutely yes, because there is nothing like having four people who cannot care for themselves NEED you ALL the time (except when they are sleeping and even then sometimes).

So, how to weigh all these feelings.  Well, it is incredibly difficult and I have not totally sorted through my emotions about this.  Nor has my husband, for that matter, figured out his position.  The kids, on the other hand, seem fine for the most part.

On the pro side, I can say it feels incredible to be in a setting with other adults who are actually interested in my thoughts and opinions about things and appreciate the skills I bring to the table in my new job.  I am working for a great company in the industry I have been dying to get a foothold in.  I do feel like this could be a gateway to great things.

On the con side is, of course, the family piece.  I miss my babies desperately.  While the hours of the job are not bad at all, I am suddenly commuting for 10-15 hours a week and that adds up to a LOT of time away from my kiddoes, who were the center of my universe up until 10 days ago.

I have to be honest, I have been afraid to pick up "Lean IN" by Sheryl Sandberg mostly because as a mom not officially in the workforce, I figured I was just going to feel worse than I already did about my choice to "lean OUT" as it were, if I read it.  Now, funny enough, before I even had a chance to blink, I am on the other side and thinking maybe I should pick it up.  Just for kicks. I am not certain that I will agree with all she says and I am even more certain that I am so profoundly grateful for the last 8 years that I have spent being a hands-on mother.  The memories and bonding that my children and I share is something I will cherish forever.  With all these unknowns swirling around me right now, that is one thing I KNOW with absolute certainty and it is my port in the storm at the moment.

It wasn't always glamorous or pretty, but it sure was a heck of a lot of fun.

I'll keep you posted on how it goes.  :)